I Was There

I was there

I showed up…

I stayed longer than anyone saw

Longer than I probably should have…

I made choices

But they came with a cost

My time…

My body…

My quiet little life

Always waiting in the wings

While I held things together…

I tried to set boundaries

And maybe I did

But they blurred in the everyday

In the asking that didn’t sound like asking

In the way care becomes assumed

And mine was spent

Almost entirely…

I don’t regret what I gave

But I resent what was expected

The weight of it

The silence around it

The way it never paused to ask

if I was still okay…

And now

Now I feel it shifting

A door closing softly

No slam… just space

And in that space—

A man who stayed

A family that bloomed

While I was still holding the past together…

I miss you

And I also don’t want to go back

Not even for a moment…

This…

This breath

This beginning

This is the part that’s mine

—A

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Hear me out please

I have something to share

Just a piece of me…

A word or two

Who am I kidding?

It’s quite a few.

Time has passed…

And I hear my words

In the echo

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Edit. Undo….

So much time and space…

Between me and you

I wrote my truth

Into existence…

But maybe it doesn’t matter…

If there’s no longer

Receipts

-A

My life

My whole life..
I was looking for love.
Safety.
Where Truth wasn’t denied
And contentment felt in the bones.
Not the ones that slipped on by..
A smile, however genuine,
Or a gesture like sand
Slipping through my hands.

At the end of the day
I had no real escape.

Young and green,
Together with my peers..
We did flee
On the constant cloud.
Our hearts were radically free..
Even if only for a few hours.
But the dawn always nears..

All my life I was fleeing
The bubble I had been trained and chained in.

Searching for a love of old..
Clinging to a memory.
Lost to the pain.
Searching for something constant.

Creator held me in the palm.
I clung to my purest nature.
It brought me back to You
Holding myself with grace
And cradling a silent Truth.

Great Spirit gave me my twin flame.
My soulmate.
Our love, born on truth..
Blossomed a family.

From blood, sweat, and tears..
Every smile..
A choice.
No longer dreaming..
Just being.

All praises to You

- A

Seeing clearly

To see clearly…
And beyond the heart…
Is simpler than we think.

You watch how they behave…
Not just the words they speak…
But how those words align…
Or quietly unravel.

People can believe their own lies…
But actions…
Or the absence of them…
Reveal everything.

When your heart feels unsure…
This is all you need to ask…

Are their words and actions one in spirit…
Or are they fractured?

The trouble was never you…
It lives in them…
Just beneath the surface.

-A

Everywhere

Everywhere

Humanity is on fire.

May our Creator keep us.

He places each of us..

Exactly where we are meant to stand.

I call no nation, no tribe.

Earth-wanderer…

With my soul in hand

And Allah, my Master.

-A

I am not bitter

I am not bitter
I am awake
Seeing things as they are.
Genuine or performative
I am not negative
For having Truth slip my lips.
I am not all the energies I feel
Around me.
I am aware.

I see what you do not.

-A

Stepped out of the Charade

I stepped out of your charade..
Care and concern,merely..
Performative .

The only thing you cared for was the image.
The audience has changed..
But the act remains the same. 
Forever  playing the victim..
Forever crying the martyr.

Still blind to the blessings..
Still deaf to the missed opportunities..
You live buried in blame..
A past built on lies.
And in one sweep..
You stole our future.

You abandoned me all those years ago.
Why did I suddenly expect more?

The love in my heart..
Blinded  me to the truth of you.
One last time..
I let you pull at my heart.
I let my vision of you
Crumble.
I let the hope I carried die. 

So there, in my chest…
I felt the ache of death.

You abandoned me..
When I needed you most.

My blind love survived
decades of silence..
A necessary death delayed..
When I was always..
Already dead to you.

-A