Girl of the clouds

I’ll always be the girl of the clouds..
A heart forever searching for contentment…

Of all the souls I’ve come to know..
Of all the paths I’ve crossed..
You’re the only one to bring me to my feet.
Something real, something tangible..
All else fades away..

Only for you..
Can my soul be,
Earthbound..
And buzzing around the gates of Heaven..

-A

I'm still me

I'm still me..
Soft, expressive, open hearted..
But I've learned how to hold that softness..
For myself first.

-A

Statuesque

She’s a sweet breeze of old
Statuesque in her prose..
Footing on rough dirt
Her tears have nourished..

Softened the soil beneath her.
A tug of war
Between idle bliss..
And flowing with the wind..

Beautiful in either state she’s in.

In every world..
Every life…

Her soul pierces every realm.

-A

I Was There

I was there

I showed up…

I stayed longer than anyone saw

Longer than I probably should have…

I made choices

But they came with a cost

My time…

My body…

My quiet little life

Always waiting in the wings

While I held things together…

I tried to set boundaries

And maybe I did

But they blurred in the everyday

In the asking that didn’t sound like asking

In the way care becomes assumed

And mine was spent

Almost entirely…

I don’t regret what I gave

But I resent what was expected

The weight of it

The silence around it

The way it never paused to ask

if I was still okay…

And now

Now I feel it shifting

A door closing softly

No slam… just space

And in that space—

A man who stayed

A family that bloomed

While I was still holding the past together…

I miss you

And I also don’t want to go back

Not even for a moment…

This…

This breath

This beginning

This is the part that’s mine

—A

Edit Undo!

Hear me out please

I have something to share

Just a piece of me…

A word or two

Who am I kidding?

It’s quite a few.

Time has passed…

And I hear my words

In the echo

Oops

Edit. Undo….

So much time and space…

Between me and you

I wrote my truth

Into existence…

But maybe it doesn’t matter…

If there’s no longer

Receipts

-A

My life

My whole life..
I was looking for love.
Safety.
Where Truth wasn’t denied
And contentment felt in the bones.
Not the ones that slipped on by..
A smile, however genuine,
Or a gesture like sand
Slipping through my hands.

At the end of the day
I had no real escape.

Young and green,
Together with my peers..
We did flee
On the constant cloud.
Our hearts were radically free..
Even if only for a few hours.
But the dawn always nears..

All my life I was fleeing
The bubble I had been trained and chained in.

Searching for a love of old..
Clinging to a memory.
Lost to the pain.
Searching for something constant.

Creator held me in the palm.
I clung to my purest nature.
It brought me back to You
Holding myself with grace
And cradling a silent Truth.

Great Spirit gave me my twin flame.
My soulmate.
Our love, born on truth..
Blossomed a family.

From blood, sweat, and tears..
Every smile..
A choice.
No longer dreaming..
Just being.

All praises to You

- A

Seeing clearly

To see clearly…
And beyond the heart…
Is simpler than we think.

You watch how they behave…
Not just the words they speak…
But how those words align…
Or quietly unravel.

People can believe their own lies…
But actions…
Or the absence of them…
Reveal everything.

When your heart feels unsure…
This is all you need to ask…

Are their words and actions one in spirit…
Or are they fractured?

The trouble was never you…
It lives in them…
Just beneath the surface.

-A

Everywhere

Everywhere

Humanity is on fire.

May our Creator keep us.

He places each of us..

Exactly where we are meant to stand.

I call no nation, no tribe.

Earth-wanderer…

With my soul in hand

And Allah, my Master.

-A

I Am Not

I am not bitter…

I am awake

Seeing things as they are.

Genuine or performative

I am not negative…

For having Truth slip my lips. 

I am not all the energies I feel

Around me…

I am aware. 

I see what you do not. 

-A

The Act

The only care was the image..

The target audience has changed.

I see the act..

Forever plying the victim and the martyr. 

Its still the same..

Ignoring all the blessings…

All the missed opportunities…

Living in blaming a past built on a lie. 

All our future in one sweep, stolen. 

You abandoned me all those years before…

Why did I suddenly expect more?

The love in my heart blinded me of the reality of you. 

One last time I let you pull at my heart…

I let the ideas I had of you…

All crumble apart.

I let my vision for you, die. 

So there in my heart I had to feel the ache of death…

Abandoned by you when I needed you the most. 

My blind love somehow survived the decades of time…

A necessary death, delayed…

When I was always dead to you. 

-A

I am not bitter

I am not bitter
I am awake
Seeing things as they are.
Genuine or performative
I am not negative
For having Truth slip my lips.
I am not all the energies I feel
Around me.
I am aware.

I see what you do not.

-A

Stepped out of the Charade

I stepped out of your charade..
Care and concern,merely..
Performative .

The only thing you cared for was the image.
The audience has changed..
But the act remains the same. 
Forever  playing the victim..
Forever crying the martyr.

Still blind to the blessings..
Still deaf to the missed opportunities..
You live buried in blame..
A past built on lies.
And in one sweep..
You stole our future.

You abandoned me all those years ago.
Why did I suddenly expect more?

The love in my heart..
Blinded  me to the truth of you.
One last time..
I let you pull at my heart.
I let my vision of you
Crumble.
I let the hope I carried die. 

So there, in my chest…
I felt the ache of death.

You abandoned me..
When I needed you most.

My blind love survived
decades of silence..
A necessary death delayed..
When I was always..
Already dead to you.

-A

A Scent

He Brought Me A Scent…

From The Desert’s Treasure…

One Of A Kind…

Only Few Do Hold…

Magical… Tantalizing In Its Breeze…

Without Words He Captured…

Our Love So Rare…

Now I Wear It Like A Secret…

Only He Would Know…

-A

Still Me

I’m still me…

Soft, expressive, open-hearted..

But I’ve learned how to hold that softness…

For myself first.

-A

Sweet breeze

She’s a sweet breeze of old

Statuesque in her prose

Footing on rough dirt

Her tears have nourished,softened the soil beneath her

A tug of war..

Between idle bliss..

And flowing with the wind.

Beautiful in either state she’s in.

In every world..

Every life…

Her soul pierces every realm.

-A

I miss You

I miss you beyond what lies between us.
Not the ocean..
Not even the stars in our reach.

Selflessness asked..
But I restrained it.
Still, here I am with pride.
A heavy nuisance on my shoulders.
Thick enough to cut..

The irony of a love beyond measure,
and holding myself..
With hesitant care..
A silent pride.

All she wants..
Is your arms..
and a silent gaze..
To make the world fade away

-A

Flicker

No words and actions can convey

A light to flicker.

A heart to open.

Or wounds to heal.

You can see the best in everything..

Yet remain standing solitary in your view of them.

Like standing idle with truth in your heart.

While everything else swirls on by..

Your minds weight crashing in on itself.

The greatest love lies within my eyes.

This yearning in my heart.

And my hands clenched with a promise.

-A

choice

So many opporutnities for joy
are needlessly stolen by anger.
Happiness grows from kindness..
And kindness is rooted in patience. 
So much depends on how we choose to percieve things. 
It indeed is a choice.

-A

Waves

To be in tune

All Our Memories

All of our memories
Trinkets & notes..
Photos & sketches..
Poems & letters..
All the words spoken..
Every warm embrace.

All woven in the weave of Creation
Like the sands of time..
They slip away
No longer tangible..
Yet they'll always Be..
A part of all existence.

-A

I thank Him

And I thank Him
For the merging of our souls..
How did He craft such magic
Between just two?

In all the universes..
Within endless worlds, ever expanding..
We are smaller than an atom.
Yet by His will, I feel it all with you.
So much majesty in so little space..

A knowing, a feeling..
Rippling through all existence.

-A

Recurring Lesson

A recurring lesson in life..
Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting.
Remembering, though bittersweet in 
retrospect..
Is a means of self-preservation..
A prerequisiste to growth.

The catch?

Not allowing the past to rob your peace 
in the present.
Don't let it steal this moment..
Don't let it haunt a brighter future.

-A

Teardrops pour

I do not want to forget..
Nor can I turn a blind eye.
I move through my days, counting my
blessings...
Yet within' me, teardrops pour silently.

How can one be human..
How can one remain sentient..
Without a h eart that burns for humanity?

I praise Allah for the bittersweetness in
my soul..
A weight, a mercy, a flame that never
fades..

-A

Raising our littles

We try to pass onto them the lessons learned from our own youth. The lessons derived from both the good and the bad. Carrying fourth the blessings of love if you were fortunate to behold it.. And the lessons of pain and hardships outside your child self.. Lessons that take a lifetime to learn. Realizations that you come to make as an adult looking back on that child you once were.

Looking at your littles and as you soothe, comfort and motivate them.. Peering into their eyes and also nurturing the child you once were.

I thank Allah for everything that has led me to where I am standing. Here within my soul that nobody may know! God knows best, Allahu Alim. The greatest comfort.

-A

Naomi

Oh Naomi
I hope you see it all so perfectly now..
Sweet, sweet Naomi
The good and the bad...
Like a twisted knot of manzanita red
I know you're in a place where there's
Total clarity..
No more blurred lines..
No ins or outs..
Nothing to dwell on..
No shadows of the past to cripple
Your sparkle.
Only the Truth by your side..
Inside and out
Just eternal Light..
Sweet Naomi
Here on this earthly plane,
We're left to play.

-A

This Is Our Time

This is our time
It's always been now or never.
We've traveled far on that lonesome road...
A million heartbreaks leading me to you.

It was always you...
My soulful friend.
I could never let you slip away...
As real as a thought, as close as my heartbeat
We shared a vision...
I made a decision.
The moment will always be now.
Heaven nestled within' my arms...

All in this world will meet it's end.
But not you and me.

-A

A silent Truth

I know the silent truth..

Of holding onto a lonely grace

In the face of anger.

 

I know the quiet surrender

To tranquil silence..

Where silence becomes my voice.

 

Soulful solitude..

An inward embrace

The only comfort..

That of the Ever Watchful.

 

Allahu Alim..

A God, All-Knowing.

 

-A

No Words

No words can capture
The void you leave behind.
Every smile, every laugh, every embrace..
The warmth of your face..
Glowing.

The thought of you gone
Chills me to the bone.
Yet I will wait, patiently...
As I have dreamed of you for years before.

I crossed land and ocean..
Chasing a love deeper than the depths,
Higher than ever flown,
Beyond this earthly mass..

I love you now and always..
From Dunya to Jannah.
By your side for always and eternal....

-A